She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
