Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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