that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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