I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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