I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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