Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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