Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
