community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
