Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
