i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize