and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
