Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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