She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
