Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
