i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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