Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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