friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
