i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
