Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
