Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
