The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
