I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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