I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
