Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
