It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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