DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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