..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize