My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
