let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
