whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Terrible idea I love it
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
