After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Randomize
