I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
