Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
