I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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