Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
