In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
