I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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