I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
