im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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