ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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