worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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