Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
