I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
