alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
it's like iHOP with fire
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
