I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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