I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
