i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
