I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
