thus making me awesome and them whores
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize