They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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