we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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