he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
