dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
