you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize