Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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