I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
