My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
the liver wants what the liver wants
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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