Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
