I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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