my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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