I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
